SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Economists have forecasted eleven out of the last three recessions!

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

The four golden rules of technical analysis:
1. Think brilliantly,
2. Be infinitely creative,
3. Be outstandingly lucky,
4. Otherwise, stick to being a theorist!

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Why won't sharks attack stock brokers?

 

Professional courtesy!

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Famous Last Words:

Stock prices have reached what looks like a permanent high plateau.

All these analysts can't be wrong.

I'd be perfectly happy to hold these securities even if the market shut down for 10 years.

The Dow Jones is rock solid.

A bank is a place where they really help you.

Let's hope things are better tomorrow.

Things can't get worse?

I'm convinced we have reached the bottom.

Run with the herd.

Never run with the herd.

It's probably just a minor correction.

The odds of that happening are a million to one.

Well, so far this valuation method always worked.

No need to panic ...

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Last night my daughter and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

 

So she got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Two stockbrokers went to lunch. The one said to the other, “Letʼs relax while we eat and talk about something other than the market for once.”

“Good idea. Letʼs talk about women.” replied the second.

 “Okay, common or preferred?”

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Hi Liadian,

i guess you are giving markets a break for a few days !!

Keep it up .

rgds/learner

A stockbroker is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your money for his commission.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

My girlfriend's father died of throat trouble ... They hung him.

He used to work in a bank. But no matter how much the boss likes you, if you work in a bank you just can't bring home samples.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Banks have a very interesting philosophy. You give them your money to keep, and if you try to borrow it back, they want to know if you're good for it!

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

I never knew why banks called them "personal loans."

I missed three payments and boy did they get personal.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

The first rule of investing is not to lose money.

The second rule is not to forget the fist rule!

 

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Returning home one evening, a father was accosted by his daughter in the hallway of their home.

Indignantly, the daughter said, "Father, why in the world did you tell me to put my money in such a bank? Why, it's absolutely on the rocks."

"What," said her father, "why that's one of the strongest banks in the country. What do you mean by such a statement?"

Waving a check in the air, his daughter replied, "Look at this. It's my check for $25.00 and it was returned today by the bank and marked 'NO FUNDS'."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment counselor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

The surgeon was discussing a forthcoming operation with a wealthy Investment Banker patient. "Would you prefer a local anaesthetic?"

"I can afford the best," replied the investment banker. "Get something imported."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

On an airplane flight, an Investment Banker seeking an intelligent discussion asked a fellow passenger, "What do you think is the main problem with our society -- ignorance or apathy?"

His fellow passenger replied, "I don't know and I don't care !"

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Accused of deserting his wife, an Investment Banker was brought before the judge. After the judge had lectured him severely on the sin and trifling character of desertion, the judge asked the investment banker: "What have you to say?"

"Judge," solemnly answered the investment banker, "You've gotten me wrong. I'm not a deserter. I'm a refugee."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!

Jones applied to a BANK for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.

Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!