A party of economists was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.

Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?'

'Yes', answered the others eagerly.

'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit, Boris says to Bill, "Bill, you know, I have a big problem I don't know what to do about. I have a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don't know which one."

"Not a big deal Boris," says Bill. "I'm stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to all the time before any policy decision can be made, and only one tells the truth but it's never the same one"

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

INTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

 

ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of

 

POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until next election.

 

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine.

 

MARXIAN ECONOMIST VIRUS - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

 

SOVIET ECONOMIST VIRUS - Crashes your computer, but denies it ever happened.

 

MAINSTREAM ECONOMIST VIRUS - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases then in "self-defense."

 

CENTRAL BANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

 

MULTINATIONAL CORPORATION ECONOMIST VIRUS - Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better.

 

SUPPLY SIDE ECONOMIST VIRUS - Puts your computer to sleep for four years. When your computer wakes up, you're trillion more dollars in debt.

 

NEW ECONOMY VIRUS - Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus." You can wipe it out, but it always makes a comeback.

 

ENVIRONMENTAL ECONOMIST VIRUS - Before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you if you've considered the alternatives.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

An elderly economics professor is standing at the shallow end of the campus pool. A Coed is standing at the deep end taking pictures. She suddenly drops the camera into the pool. Then she motions for the professor to come to her. He goes and she asks him to retrieve the camera. He agrees and dives in and retrieve its.

 

Upon returning he says to her, "Why did you ask me to retrieve the camera when there were many younger and more athletic males closer to her?" She replied, "Professor you seem to forget that I'm in your Econ I class, and I don't know anyone who can go down deeper, stay down longer and come up drier than you."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects. The astrologer says, "Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come out right half the time. Yours can't even reach that proportion". The econometrician replies, "That's because of external shocks. Stars don't have those".

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

A wealthy labor economist had an urge to have grandchildren. He had two daughters and two sons and none of them had gratified his desire for a grandchild. At the annual family gathering on Thanksgiving Day, he chided them gently to bless his old age with their progeny. "But I haven't given up hope," he said, "Yesterday I went to the bank and set up a one hundred thousand dollar trust fund to be given to the first grandchild that I have. Now we will all bow our heads while I say a prayer of thanks." When he looked up, he and his wife were the only ones at the table.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

A mathematician, a theoretical economist and an econometrician are asked to find a black cat (who doesn't really exist) in a closed room with the lights off:

The mathematician gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital.

The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy.

The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spend one hour looking for the black cat that doesn't exits and shouts from inside the room that he has it catched by the neck."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:

Artists' Brains $9/lb Philosophers' Brains $12/lb Scientists' Brains $15/lb Economists' Brains $19/lb

 

Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My those economists' brains must be popular!" To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many economists you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

I know that economics is ruling my life when - I tried to calculate my 3 year old son's discount rate by seeing how many sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to one sweet before dinner - I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles

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Have a wonderful day~!

An economic forecaster was known to have a horseshoe prominently displayed above the door frame of his office. Asked what it was for, he replied that it was a good luck charm that helped his forecasts. But do you believe in that superstition? He was asked, and he said, "Of course not!" But then why do you keep it? "Well," he said, "it works whether you believe in it or not."

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Have a wonderful day~!

Two economists were walking down the street when they noticed two women yelling across the street at each other from their apartment windows.

Of course they will never come to agreement, stated the first economist.

And why is that, inquired his companion,

Why, of course, because they are arguing from different premises.

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Have a wonderful day~!

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"

The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, "Now you have everything."

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An American businessman sent one of his Advertising/ Marketing people to Rome to try and get the Pope to record "Give us each our daily coke." The P.R. man came back empty handed. He had offered the Pope $500,000 dollars and had been turned down. His boss commented, "Turned down half a million bucks! I wonder how much the bakeries are paying him?"

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An unscrupulous businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doctor examined him and backed away, saying, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal."

"Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman.

"Do you want to write your will?"

"No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite."

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Have a wonderful day~!

Two economists are walking down the street. One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk, and says so.

"Obviously not," says the other. "If there were, someone would have picked it up!"

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An economist returns to visit his old school. He's interested in the current exam questions and asks his old professor to show some. To his surprise they are exactly the same ones to which he had answered 10 years ago! When he asks about this the professor answers: "the questions are always the same - only the answers change!"

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Have a wonderful day~!

A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota. The woman asks: will this cure my illness? Answer of the doctor: No, but the half year will seem pretty long.

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When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men he said he couldn't increase my pay, but if I told him the names of the three men he'd fire them.

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Tariff -- A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

Economy -- Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

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Have a wonderful day~!

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered: pepper only."

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A mathematical economist came sailing by on an ice boat, and pulled to the shore beside the surf-fishing economist to scoff. "You'll never catch any fish that way," said the mathematical economist. "Jump on my ice-boat and we'll go trawling."

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Have a wonderful day~!

A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.

He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?"

After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a daffodil!"

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The door bell, rings, and a man answers it.

Here stands this plain but well dressed kid, saying, "Trick or Treat!"

The man asks the kids what he is dressed up like for Halloween.

The kid replies, "I'm an IRS agent."

Then the kid takes 40 percent of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say thank you.

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Have a wonderful day~!

A very successful investor was ready to pass on his $100 billion fortune to his three sons. However, he had always feared that his sons would be spoiled and not have any ambition other than party all the time. After much thought he decided he would split his fortune between his sons but not evenly. He devised a competition for them where the winner would be given 75% of his fortune, the second place finisher 20% and the one who finished last would be given only 5%.

 

The rules were simple. Each son would be given $500,000 and they would have 3 months to invest it and they would be ranked at the end of the competition by how high their portfolio grew. They were also given $200,000 each that they could only use as portfolio expenditures. He wanted them to learn how to make money but learn how one would utilize resources and work with others effectively to achieve goals.

 

The first son used his $200,000 by hiring the best scholars around. $50,000 for an Economist with a PHD, $50,000 for a mathematician and $100,000 for a Business professor from Harvard.

 

The first son's portfolio grew to $750,000.

 

The second son used his $200,000 to hire some of the brightest minds on Wall street. $100,000 for 2 successful Fund managers and a $100,000 for an analyst.

 

The second son's portfolio grew to $1,000,000.

 

The youngest son began spending the $200,000 throwing weekend parties, taking friends to concerts, and going on trips.

 

His portfolio grew to $10,000,000!!

 

"Wow son how did you do that?"

 

"Well dad. I spent $10,000 for the land, $50 for the rocks, $100 for the gold spray paint, $10,000 for the helicopter, $10,000 for the ex-geologist, $100,000 for the shell, and the rest on parties and concerts for the brokers, analysts and writers.

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Have a wonderful day~!