Monday, March 17, 2008:

The problem with a quiet dishwasher is that it's hard to have confidence that it's actually doing anything.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008:

The Humorous Thought Leadership Series -- ATTITUDE: a state of mind that drives your success, but only to the extent that you can hide how negative your attitude really is.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008:

Raising kids is like taking a final exam on the first day of class.

Thursday, March 27, 2008:

I don't like backhanded compliments. The last one I received was when someone who was jealous of my accomplishments allowed the back of his hand to vigorously meet the front of my face.

Friday, March 28, 2008:

You know you've arrived when the President writes you a letter in his own handwriting. You know you haven't arrived when the President writes you a letter that starts "Dear Fellow Republican" -- and you're a Democrat.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008:

The IRS has a new, ultra-simple tax form called the 1040-MT. You put your bank account numbers on the form, and the IRS will withdraw money until your accounts are MT.

Friday, April 4, 2008:

When it comes to being creative, nothing beats a politician trying to get campaign contributions.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008:

When you can hear a pin drop, it's time to find out what your kids are up to.

Thursday, April 10, 2008:

Although death and paying taxes are both inevitable, paying taxes is a whole lot more hassle.

Friday, April 11, 2008:

I still don't understand the purpose of a camera on a cell phone. Why does anybody want a picture of my ear?

Monday, April 14, 2008:

Buying a book about making money is the first step in generating wealth for the author.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008:

Words you don't want to hear your lawyer say: Relax. Most of what you hear about prison is rumor.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008:

Never buy a dishwasher with so many features that it comes with free training classes.

Thursday, April 17, 2008:

Frustration: Trying a new recipe while they're demonstrating it on The Food Network.

Friday, April 18, 2008:

The ability to learn new things actually improves with age, but so does the ability to forget.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008:

If you're trying a new recipe that turns out bad, it's best to save face by burning it.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008:

I know I can't win 'em all, but just one would be nice.

Friday, April 25, 2008:

A leopard doesn't change its spots -- unless it's forming a Presidential Exploratory Committee.

Monday, April 28, 2008:

Most disputes can be settled with a coin. But if you're unwilling to flip it, a lawyer will be glad to take it.

Thursday, May 1, 2008:

A fashion choice that's always out of style: An "I hate Reagan" T-shirt at a Republican fund raiser.

Friday, May 2, 2008:

In a forest, moss always grows on only one side of a rock. The outside.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008:

Listen to the wind and you'll find the way you should go. This is known as the "air of your ways."