SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Economists have forecasted eleven out of the last three recessions!

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

The four golden rules of technical analysis:
1. Think brilliantly,
2. Be infinitely creative,
3. Be outstandingly lucky,
4. Otherwise, stick to being a theorist!

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Why won't sharks attack stock brokers?

 

Professional courtesy!

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Famous Last Words:

Stock prices have reached what looks like a permanent high plateau.

All these analysts can't be wrong.

I'd be perfectly happy to hold these securities even if the market shut down for 10 years.

The Dow Jones is rock solid.

A bank is a place where they really help you.

Let's hope things are better tomorrow.

Things can't get worse?

I'm convinced we have reached the bottom.

Run with the herd.

Never run with the herd.

It's probably just a minor correction.

The odds of that happening are a million to one.

Well, so far this valuation method always worked.

No need to panic ...

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Last night my daughter and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

 

So she got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Two stockbrokers went to lunch. The one said to the other, “Letʼs relax while we eat and talk about something other than the market for once.”

“Good idea. Letʼs talk about women.” replied the second.

 “Okay, common or preferred?”

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Hi Liadian,

i guess you are giving markets a break for a few days !!

Keep it up .

rgds/learner

A stockbroker is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your money for his commission.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

My girlfriend's father died of throat trouble ... They hung him.

He used to work in a bank. But no matter how much the boss likes you, if you work in a bank you just can't bring home samples.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Banks have a very interesting philosophy. You give them your money to keep, and if you try to borrow it back, they want to know if you're good for it!

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

I never knew why banks called them "personal loans."

I missed three payments and boy did they get personal.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

The first rule of investing is not to lose money.

The second rule is not to forget the fist rule!

 

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Returning home one evening, a father was accosted by his daughter in the hallway of their home.

Indignantly, the daughter said, "Father, why in the world did you tell me to put my money in such a bank? Why, it's absolutely on the rocks."

"What," said her father, "why that's one of the strongest banks in the country. What do you mean by such a statement?"

Waving a check in the air, his daughter replied, "Look at this. It's my check for $25.00 and it was returned today by the bank and marked 'NO FUNDS'."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment counselor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

The surgeon was discussing a forthcoming operation with a wealthy Investment Banker patient. "Would you prefer a local anaesthetic?"

"I can afford the best," replied the investment banker. "Get something imported."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

On an airplane flight, an Investment Banker seeking an intelligent discussion asked a fellow passenger, "What do you think is the main problem with our society -- ignorance or apathy?"

His fellow passenger replied, "I don't know and I don't care !"

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Accused of deserting his wife, an Investment Banker was brought before the judge. After the judge had lectured him severely on the sin and trifling character of desertion, the judge asked the investment banker: "What have you to say?"

"Judge," solemnly answered the investment banker, "You've gotten me wrong. I'm not a deserter. I'm a refugee."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Jones applied to a BANK for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.

Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Interesting Stock Symbols from 1990

BABY	Fertility & Genetic Resources
BEAM	Summit Technology Incorporated
BLMP	Airship Intl. Ltd.
BLUD	Immucor Incorporated
BOOK	Village Green Bookstore Incorporated
BOOM	Explosive Fabricators Incorporated
BRAU	Pavichevich Brewing Corporation
BSBL	Score Board Incorporated
BUCS	American Franchise Group Incorporated
BURN	Trilling Medical Technology Incorporated
BYTE	Compu Com Systems Incorporated
CARS	US Cargo Incorporated
CGUL	Margate Ventures Incorporated
CHIK	Golden Poultry Co. Incorporated
COLD	Texas American Group Incorporated
DINE	Mascott Corporation
DOSE	Choice Drug Systems Incorporated
DRNK	Cable Car Beverage Corporation
EARS	Hearx Ltd.
FAIR	Renaissance Entertainment Corporation
FAME	Flame master Corporation
FAXM	Hotelcopy Incorporated
FLAG	First Federal Savings Bank of La Grange
FOIL	Forest Oil Corporation
FONE	Farmstead Telephone Group
FOTO	Seattle Filmworks Incorporated
FUEL	Griffith Consumers Corporation
FUN	Cedar Fair, L.P.
FUSE	First United Savings Bank FSB
GAIT	Langen Biomechanics Group
GARD	Denning Mobile Robotics
GEMS	Electronic Spec. Products Incorporated
GGGG	4 G Data Systems Incorporated
GOGO	Nutri-Products Incorporated
GONE	Plastigone Technology Incorporated.
GRIT	Grubb & Ellis Realty Incorporated Trust
HIRE	Diversified Human Resources Group
JAIL	Adtec. Incorporated
JOIN	Jones Inter Cable Incorporated
KDNY	Home Intensive Care
KIDS	Magic Years Child Care Center
KIDZ	Direct Connect International
KITS	Meridian Diagnostics Incorporated
KRUZ	Europa Cruises Corporation
LABL	Multi-Color Corporation
LADY	Tennis Lady Incorporated
LAMP	S.O.I. Ind. Incorporated
LENS	Concord Camera Corporation
LENZ	Vision Sciences Incorporated
LIPSA	Showcase Cosmetics Incorporated
LOAN	Surety Capital Corporation
LUBE	Auto Spa Corporation
LUNG	L A Blockers Incorporated
LUVSW	Southwest Airlines 90 Warrants
MALL	Auto Spa Automalls Incorporated
MAME	Mobile America Corporation
MEMRY	Ramtron Australia Ltd.
MOLE	Flowmole Corporation
NASA	North American Savings Association
NOIZ	Micronetics Incorporated
OUCH	Occupational-Urgent Care
PIZA	National Pizza Corporation
PLAY	Players Intl. Incoroorated
PLUG	Component Guard Incorporated
POPI	Fast Food Operators
PTA	Career Com Corporation
PULP	Kingston Systems Incorporated
QPON	Seven Oaks Intl. Incorporated
READ	American Learning Corporation
REAL	Reliability Incorporated
REFR	Research Frontiers
RELY	Ingres Corporation
RITE	Trvlsys Incorporated
RRRC	Tri-R Systems Corporation
SEED B	DeKalb Genetics Corporation Class B
SHIP	Regency Cruises Incorporated
SHOE	Millfeld Trading Co. Inc.
SKIL	Canterbury Educational Services
SODA	A&W Brands Incorporated
STAG	Security Tag System Incorporated
TAPE	Magnetech Corporation
TONE	One Bancorp.
TOOL	Easco Band Tools Incorporated
TREE	Aspen Leaf Incorporated
TSTM	Media Logic Incorporated
TUXX	Al's Formal Wear Incorporated
UEAT	Restaurant Hotline Systems Incorporated
WCTV	Wescott Communications Incorporated.
WHEL	Roadmaster Industries Incorporated
XRAY	Gendex Corporation
YUMY	Tofruzen Incorporated

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Two young MBAs applied for a single position at a Wall Street investment bank. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the HR manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."

"And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.

"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the HR manager.

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.

"Simple," said the HR manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

An investment banker and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The investment banker said, “I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”

“That's quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I'm here because my house and
all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”

The investment banker looked somewhat confused. “How do you start a flood?”" he asked.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

An investment banking analyst, an investment banking associate and their Managing Director are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I´ll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the ibanking analyst. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She´s gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the ibanking associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He´s gone.

"OK, you´re up," the Genie says to the MD.

The MD says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B

Jamie asked his dad to explain the difference between irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

His father picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. When the phone was answered, he asked, "Can I speak to Rolf, please?"

"No! There's no one named Rolf here," replies the person who answered the phone.

The father hung up. "That, my boy, is irritation."

He picked up the phone again, dialed the same number, then asked for Rolf a second time. "No, there's no one here called Rolf. Go away. If you call again I'm calling the cops," the person said.

The father hung up and said, "That's aggravation."

"Then what's frustration?" asked Jamie. The father picked up the phone and dialed the same number a third time.

"Hello, this is Rolf. Have I received any phone calls?"

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Heidi ~ Have a Wonderful Day!
Now Posting Under Heidi B